The Sisterhood of Wounds
How personal wounds make up for the muddled collective.
Once I participated in an offering with four other women. We started a women’s circle together. Circle of the Rose it was aptly named. There was already a space readily available and the space holder who was male, agreed to leave every time we circled so that all the participants would feel more comfortable. The details were more or less discussed at a restaurant along with the space holder present. We agreed to make it a monthly offering. As we strategised and planned we also decided that no theme or topic should be focused on. We let it go free flow.
The brainchild of this event then proceeded to create the online banner for promotion. We then invited people and further broadcasted it out. Thirteen ladies turned out on the day. The circle ran well into overtime as eighteen people (including us the hosts) took turns to share. We had crones, mother-daughter, close friends, and sisters all turn up. Each even had a stalk of rose to bring home in honour of the Circle of the Rose. We were elated and feeling really uplifted from a lot of heartfelt personal sharing despite the time overrun.
The next month, we could barely get ten people to sign up. The response was phlegmatic and very ego-crushing. The circle went on as usual but the same time overrun happened despite having much fewer participants. This time the owner of the space was rightfully livid. This was not only his centre, it was also his abode. Because of the irresponsible time-management, he was being denied access back into the space despite being out for several hours. What was to be a two hour session became a 3.5 hour yin free flow of sharing. I felt solely responsible to receive the wrath for the poorly managed circle. Failing to see that we all five were equally responsible from the start to the end.
The event left me physically and energetically drained. I was working there the whole day prior as a staff, registered all hosts and attendees in, secured the premises and finally joined the circle. Later on, three of the sisters tried hosting the circle while the rest of us were away travelling. Space was available, go-ahead was given. There were no sign ups. We never offered it again. The circle energy collapsed soon after that. The idea was crushed and pack away in a suitcase of shame and failure, never to be re-opened.
What contributed to the collapse of such a healing idea of a women’s circle? First of all, there were just too many of us. And when more are involved it is easy to dilute the energy. Unless all of us vehemently and courageously feel to host and be present with the same conviction and intensity, the integrity will not hold. We all had come together seemingly in solidarity but in truth, had different agendas. As energy does not betray, this is how the circle ceased to exist. Not everyone was carrying their share of the space-holding. This contributed to a severe energetic imbalance.
We had those who were not interested in the idea but participated anyway as means to maintain political favour. Others wanted to fulfil a deep lack of sisterhood in their soul by externally projecting it out on strangers, hoping to seek community there. Another was living in so much lies and denial that however pure the intention is to be present, it was just not sustainable. I always believed in the power of circle at my initiation journey in Glastonbury however, I was too afraid to speak up and guide the reins. More so, I felt torn between being fully immersed and having to maintain role as staff at that space. The one sister who had truly experienced sisterhood in retreats participated over the years was happy to let others lead because she felt that she was less than despite her vast repository of knowledge and experience.
These personal demons, political agendas, lack of integrity, feelings of unworthiness are the sabotage mechanisms that drove the idea into its collapse. As 5 women we ourselves were not on the same page. Internally, we had no true kinship with each other and with everyone else in the group. To put it loosely, it was like five maidens coming together to do Queendom work. Neither had truly stepped into her grounded full power to equally rule the space.
Participants will never know what our internal politics are. But they are somewhat responding energetically to the invitation sent out. Their subtle body are picking up vibrations and cues. Is the message resonating with them? Do they want to turn up and invest their time and money in this? Are they gaining any real value from this interaction? Money is an important co-indicator. By charging for a circle, you are ascribing value to it. If the value is just and reciprocal, then the audience will appear.
From the circles I have hosted and attended, these are a few things I learnt. Free flow is only possible if everyone has done their work and vibrate at the same frequency. We all honour of our space, boundaries and do not feel that one is better than the other. This is where true honesty and heartfelt sharing lies. That shit is rare but not impossible. This is a space where we can just be. Each sister is free to speak anything and not feel judged. Here, nobody is offering unsolicited advice and we truly can see and celebrate the Buddha essence every sister has. It is safe and secure & nothing escapes the confines of this sacred circle. Most times, the circle will be better off starting off very small but in a stable magic number of three. You will not leave tired and drained. More likely you will sleep well and be suffused next day with a certain irrepressible energy.
For other sisters we want to hold space for, then a theme/agenda is strongly recommended. Use the moon phases and its corresponding zodiac sign as an anchor point for discussion and sharing. Sabbats or festivals, significant dates, and impactful astrological movements are also good enough reason to host a circle provided you are in alignment with that energy. Ground the circle with an opening meditation to invite in all guides. Offer another meditation to complement the reason for this circle and finally, a closing meditation to contain the energy and to thank all the guides. While you can never over plan a circle and its meditations, having a list and rough framework enforces the security and respect of the circle. Being punctual and keeping to the allocated time is another way of honouring another person’s energy and presence. This indicates focus and direction. It is false to believe that women’s circles are all yin, flowy, and overflowing with emotion. The yang aspect is equally important.
Back to the circle and its demise. We chose the name Circle of the Rose. Names carry out powerful vibrations. Rose is used as a representation of the Divine Feminine. All Grail work and Mary Magdalene teachings are in honour of the Rose vibration. The essence of rose is pure and extremely healing. Alas, with the rose comes the thorns. There lies the challenge in accessing this high vibration. You will need to acknowledge each thorn one by one. Address each wound that hurts us as women within ourselves. The question is not about being perfect or wholly healed. It is about awareness and wanting to take action to heal what is in us first.
The wound of the collective feminine is a cacophony of wailing due to hopeless disempowerment of women for the past two thousand years. We have been distorted, shut down, condemned, and shamed by the patriarchal way of power, logic, and reasoning. Are we truly steadfast in our being and our essence to be the beautiful bright Madonnas, Marys, and Ishtars that we rightfully are?
The vibrations of the Aquarian age will surely support us in this pursuit. Its concerns are for the world and the pursuit of community. It is not caught up in patriarchy and feminism. It has only one word. Humanity. Together, we can get there. But first, let us sort our personal shit out first. One less person mad at the world and life, one more beam of light gets to shine its way through and into the heart of humanity…
