The Nice Guys

Let me open with a brilliant quote from Jordan Peterson; “A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.” Many people walk around thinking they are nice and good people based on a few self-proclaimed scanty yardsticks. I offended nobody, therefore I am nice. I killed nobody therefore I am austere. I never cheated on my wife therefore I am the paragon of virtue. Based on these extremely narrow and egoic serving benchmarks, we have majestically placed ourselves on a moral high ground, wayyy above everyone else.

I have married a nice guy, worked with nice guys, and even dated nice guys. Want to know why nice guys finish last? And this has nothing to do with crude references to bedroom performance. They finish last because they are unable to make decisions for themselves. They cannot decide where to eat, cannot decide where to sit at a dinner party. Nice guys will always choose to be the Beta male even with feminine presence. Men need to lead from the heart, not kowtow and cower. A fickle man is a feckless man. Healthy masculine energy is firm, steady, calm, and decisive. It is not small, afraid, and scattered.

What does being nice get you? What is the kickback? Yes, everyone will love you. All will sing praises about how you are such a sweetheart. On the flip side, you shirk responsibilities when it comes to choosing and making decisions. In the grand scheme of things you also fail to choose to lead the life you want. Nice guys will gladly hand over any tough decisions to another be it their boss, mother, father, spouse. Their low self worth plummets even further due to the commitments they are too afraid to undertake and bring to completion.

I know someone who gushes about their spouse being a good guy. He never speaks ill of anyone and wants to look on the bright side of things. Well, ever heard of toxic positivity? All this banal, inane cheers and sugar-coating is complete bullshit. Being nice will never resolve any conflict properly. Call things out for what they are. Fight now and resolve it once and for all. Stop sweeping things under the rug and divesting the energy outwardly in other activities as a distraction then hoping to come home and expecting the issue to be done and dusted.

Heard of the 5:1 ratio in relationships? For every negative interaction there should be five positive interactions as well. This here encourages a healthy balance of communication. While we do not want a household full of blame and complaints, neither do we want a daily utopia of a situation going on. A nice guy will keel over and die trying to keep the ratio 5:0 or even 10:0 if he could.

Being nice breeds resentment. This is true for nice guys and good girls. From resentment stems passive aggressive behaviour. You let all that frustration stew and percolate into this hideous dripping outlet of rage and derision. And how does this play out? Scarily enough, it is more often unconsciously. You purposely walk slower than the hurrying spouse, drive and swerve recklessly just to agitate the passenger, track in with dirty boots and leave the socks all over the floor, take a leak and letting it hit all over the floor. Still a nice guy? No, you are just an asshole pretending to be a nice guy because you are too afraid to be yourself.

A good man is a very, very scary man. He has tremendous power and yet can wield all of it without flagrant display. He has impeccable self-control and immense patience. This also refers to his sexual energy. He can keep silent, observe and take action at the right time. He is informed and assertive. A good man understands that just because you can, does not mean that you should. He is not proving something for the world to see. He is doing his best according to his goals and priorities. He readily helps because he wants to. He says Yes because he is motivated by the cause not because he is afraid of what others might think of him.

There are many role models out there who embody a real good man. Time to emulate them and snap out of this toxic haze of mastubatory fallacies.