Love are steady embers
And flames need fanning…
It is my good karma to have known love from the men in my life. From platonic love to carnal love to romantic love. After four years of being separated and subsequently divorced, I wondered if I have ever truly loved in return? While the memories blur throughout the passages of time, I dive into my heart’s intelligence to find my answer. I loved my husband very much. We had a great bond, a relaxed friendship and solid trust. We were extremely practical and drama free. That was the way I understood to be loved. He always said he loved me more than I did him. As time progressed we communicated less; I evolved onto a different path of my life and hence the ending of it all. Ten good years of companionship and a level headed shoulder to cry on has come to an end. I learnt by then that silence is not consent. It is just resentment waiting to blow up. I grief for my loss and I still do today. Not in regret but in fondness. We can still walk away and hold love for the people in our lives. To deny that experience is to deny our entire life and its very existence.
I would say to experience love is to be free in the heart. To have a lightness of being and most importantly the ability to fully be ourselves and show up authentically in that way for another. Love itself is a taskmaster in its own right. It demands truth. It rallies for constant communication. It is not fickle but understands that all right effort we put in builds a more stable palace for love to flourish in all its glory. It is compassionate and understanding but not to be taken for a fool. The fundamentals also include an important ingredient; shared goals and values. All non-negotiables laid out on the table. All hopes and dreams of a future together envisioned and communicated. Because love is that; two lighthouses always flashing communication signals in a consistent and available manner to mitigate shipwrecks. When there is discord and acrimonious exchange, we must still be able to navigate back to these values together. It is the Us game; not the I grandstand.
To love is to savour in languor, to want to win for the team, to support healthy interdependency. It is to evolve together, to want to grow old together, to cheer on personal goals & achievements, and to safely know you have each other’s back at the end of the day. It is to constantly bond in body, mind and soul. Such is the intensity of love. It is all consuming but ever so rewarding. It is the never-ending generator that liberates us but can also keep us karmically coming back time and time again. To know love, is to open up ourselves to its polarised spectrum of pain in equal intensity. They go hand-in-hand. This is the handbook of life.
Love with a lover entails an extra sacred bond. That of our bodies. Basal yet profoundly humbling when honoured and cherished. We experience the whole gamut from basic biology and chemistry to soul shaking experiences that can never be accurately described but only felt. We indulge in the rich exchange of pheromones, the restful comfort of skin to skin contact, from the first intrusion of a kiss until the ecstatic thrill of penetration. It is through this dance we ideally, welcome new life into the world. Progeny aside, we welcome higher stable frequencies of love, we birth soul projects that on our own we had insufficient circuitry to realise. Such is the tremendous power of two bodies coming together but alas, most of us are rutting about like frantic mastubatory animals; completely consumed by the lower senses.
The junkfood of love is lust. Ever needy and never ever satiated. It gives us a fast temporary sugar high and crashes us like a nasty hangover. Lust is all the careless I Love Yous after few months of barely knowing each other. It is the urgent voice of wanting to commit and living together because you will simply die if kept another night apart. Lust loves keeping options open, just in case. Lust is always sex but never soul baring lovemaking. Lust objectifies but never sincerely cherishes. Lust is control and conditions. Lust is a haze that leaves a confused disembodied aftertaste when it dissipates. Lust empties the soul, drains our essence and clogs us up in despair and frustration.
The frequency of love is calm, clear, peaceful, and tremulous.
It holds none of lust’s jaded vibrations.
Today we decode love in lingo and a language that we can better digest. In the past, when our own heart chakra was strong, independent, stable, and vibrant we could very easily pick up love vibrations from another human and communicate sincerely & peacefully in that manner. Fast forward to now we are reading up on love languages, attachment styles, NLP techniques, conflict management euphemisms in order to navigate this world of strung out nervous systems. We hang on to every Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus styled book to make sense of our motivations and of the other. Great to read, great to know but no greater teacher than experience itself.
Let us spark love from the only vessel that we can control and navigate; ourselves. Simply start with one hand on the heart centre and one on the belly. Sit quietly and slowly tune in to your own heart’s frequency and sacral desires and observe with deep relaxed breaths. Self soothe and touch your skin frequently. Oil up and massage in. Release tension in your chest with gentle King Kong beats and EFT tapping. Be your own best friend to your nervous system and learn to regulate. By the beauty of your own heart’s restored frequencies, you will experience the world in a very different view. Then, maybe then we will be clear, present, available and ready to love. All past demons put aside. All political communications vanquished. All nervous projections of What Ifs quelled. Peace within paving the way for Love to step forth. And there it will stand strong, absolutely capable of managing anything and everything.